Parenting from the “Inside Out”
As a parent, how often are you truly aware of what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling when there is unwanted behavior - your child’s and even your own – as a daily presence in your household?
Now more than ever, parents have so much to juggle within the family just to survive our challenging times that it’s all too easy to dismiss what causes the frequent feelings of overwhelm, distraction and simply not being present for our kids as our minds hold a million thoughts at once.
Enter parenting from the “inside out”.
What is this? Parenting in this way is a mindset shift that can take us away from reactions to our child’s confusing behavior toward responses that uses the information we gather about how we’re feeling to inform how we express ourselves to our children.
Part of what makes certain situations when caring for our children so difficult to handle are our selective thoughts and feelings about them and the meaning we give to them. This is what often fuels the automatic and repetitive reactions we have, especially when we find ourselves more confused than ever about why certain behaviors just won’t stop.
Often, our child’s needs will mirror our own, but without some self-reflection on the inside, we are not at our best to respond to our child on the outside.
For example, if our child is crying often or excessively and we feel very anxious or unnerved by this, it is natural to try to figure out why the crying is occurring. But, if we react with our own feelings of anxiety about the crying without first asking ourselves where our feeling comes from, we are not very likely to meet our child’s needs.
We must first meet our own by discovering why crying makes us upset. You may have your own childhood memory of not being heard when you were crying, or you may have been told to stop crying without any help from a parent or caregiver. This can lead to a mistrust of the emotion behind crying as it was not properly addressed.
Here are four tips to help you discern what your personal experiences are so that you can create better connection to yourself:
Check in with what you are feeling throughout the day and ALLOW it to be okay – NO judgement!
Observe your thoughts and notice if they are kind and empowering.
Consider what you loved to do as a child – find a way to do it!
Respond to the physical needs of your body with kindness.
Once you can practice this over time, it will lead you to a parenting tool that can help tremendously as you navigate your child’s behavior and your own toward a blending of what you both need in order to have greater harmony in your household.
The overall goal in parenting from the inside out is ultimately to create connection - first with yourself, and then with your child. Although the demands of parenting a very challenging child are many, you deserve to give attention to your own needs as an individual first, in order to be the best for your child as a result of your inner connection.
Parents, your story is valid and valuable! Let’s connect in a FREE 30 minute discovery call when you can share your concerns and I can show you how my services can help you with your most pressing needs.
